FOR HEIR......

The parting line was becoming more and more prominent. I can easliy see another repetition of FREEDOM AT MIDNIGHT. The only difference was no piece of land was involved here. It was just a piece of fried starch which was being separted and was producing a threat to my new shirt. As the vibrations grew the parting became more prominent and i leaned forward so that the piece of potato doesn't spoil my shirt. Thanks to the roads of Bombay that the partition dint took longer and the piece of potato which was separating from my Burger fell straight on the floor of Autorickshaw on which i was travelling. The piece of potato flashed further into pieces as the jerks increased. But i enjoyed the one which was in my hand.

It was a long way and i was getting bored sitting quietly in the autorickshaw. I thought why not to start some conversation with my companion sitting in the front. He was a meek fellow. Hands thinner than mine. I dunt know why most of the auto rickshaw drivers seem to challenge me with their structure, meeker than myself. Anyways as i was about to start the conversation suddenly i remembered about a short movie about same situation made by my friend "FOR HIRE" The movie said the story of an autorickshaw driver caught in mesh of series of different emotions running at his back. He thinks that so many people sit at the back of his auto and they had an emotion of their own. Some times they are happy sometimes they are sad . And then he fanatsises all TV channels to be running at the back seat spanning from MTV to ASTHA with the only difference that he doesnt have the remote. Conversations .....sometimes romantic sometimes agonised sometimes sad and sometimes relieved. And then he is struck by one big question which challanged his identity altogether. What is his role in the stream of emotions flowing at his back. He tries to mingle his emotions with the others and gets only "MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS" as answer. What is his emotion?? How does at all he affects the world going around him?? Faced by these questions, he decides to keep quiet and just spectate everything, as if he is not present their at all. He leaves his emotions FOR HIRE.
Well, well that was a brilliant piece of movie I have ever seen.But i was going to make an exception to the movie. I was going to mix the two different streams. I can't think of any way so just asked him 'How
long will it take?' He said twenty more minutes. I asked him to make it fast as i was in hurry. He drove faster. Suddenly i felt that i was about two inch above my seat and then i landed again on my seat with a jerk. It was a road furrow. He took the auto to the side of the road and stopped the auto for a moment. I asked him 'Are u okay?? ' 'Yes i am ' he replied. And then he smiled and said 'Kyaa karega sahab yeh road hi aisa hai' What followed next was something which shivered me to the core. He told that he was hit on his manliness when the auto bumped on the road. But he has been habitat of that. It's usual. The front seat of auto is never designed for comfort. It has no shock resistor and neither it has any temperature control mechanism. What it results is that the auto usually hits the driver's manliness. With a smiling face he told me that one of his friend is not a male at all now. He was driving an auto from the past 12 years and the rickshaw made him sterile altogether. The only thing i could ask is Y do you drive the Auto then? He said that i am married from one year now. And if I am lucky enough i will have a kid. And with his smile turning into seriousness he looked me back into my eyes and said ' Itna jaldi asar nahi hota sir' . So there were chances for him to be a father.And then he needs to fill the stomach of his kid. So he use to HIRE the auto for his HEIR.

I thoought, it's pointless to ask about does he really cares about what all is going on at his back seat? All my questions were answered by Mumbai Roads. It's not the question of the perception of director being WRONG or RIGHT. It's all about the spirit of an artist.The only thing which was pinching my mind was that sitting in the comforts of our room can we really imagine how some character FEELS who is in a situation completely different from ours?? Can we imagine even a fraction of reality?? If our imagination is so far from reality then being a story teller do we have the right to tell everybody that how we percieve some person to feel (that's all an artist does) , without actually knowing his feelings??

The Auto rickshaw was moving near to my destination. But i lost my way in between. I was caught in a mesh of thoughts.The auto rickshaw was all the same but my eyes were changed. I looked at the meter which said "FOR HIRE". I looked in the rear view mirror.The driver had an expression of his own. An expression which was black and unknown to me. I looked at the potato piece on the rickshaw surface. The road still had bumps and the potato piece was slowly fracturing into pieces.......

The Pay Day

Streaming
0 ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||................................................................................100%

19 degrees 06minutes 77 seconds N*
72 degrees 55minutes 46seconds E*
Elevation 79 ft above sea level*
[*For references use Google Earth]

7:00 AM, 2nd June 2007

A place somewhere on the globe. And the trainee rises, no not from his bed but from his office chair. Not finding it cozy enough to cover for his lost night's sleep. Yeah the trainee is expected to be there sharp at 7:00 AM though most of other employees use to come at 9:00 AM, except one or two old people with the habbit of getting up early at 4:00 for a some very important daily activity. A worship to the almighty!! This is so coz very soon he is about to enter the corporate world. So he needs to learn more in these two months of his training. And the trainee is fully prepared to do so. It was last night only that he took a resolution that he will try his level best.

Taking his last night resolution seriously, he went through his project. And yes he even tried to figure out how to proceed further. Opened hi drawer and took out "The Zahir" a famous novel by Paulo Coelho. Read three or four pages and kept it back out of guilt of not following his resolution. Rose and went up to Mr. Wisely Boga a 60 year old fellow from Pune. Said Hi to him. He dint responded as he was thinking something very deeply. No it was not at all related to research and development. Coz his table had no papers or drawings, which are necessary for a mechanical engineer to do some R&D. The trainee just imagined what could be the reason behind those deep whiskers which ran down his cheeks. And those gloomy eyes seemed to be a grave. What corpse it contained? No one knows!! The trainee turned back in vain when he heard something.

'Do you know yesterday there was a fire in one of the plants? A small electrical short circuit. I saw two fire workers coming out of the plant when i reaced there. Probably they had completed their job and the fire was extinguished. Surprisingly one of the fireworker's face was covered with ash. It was almost black, but the other's face was clean jsut as normal person has. Both of them reached the washbasin and the person who had his face clean rushed to the washbasin and started washing his face along with rubbing his face in order to remove all ash which was not there at all.While the black guy stood their all at rest. Ha ha ha that's hilarious na?'

The trainee felt bad about the mental state of a mechanical engineer though he could understand his situation at this very age. Sitting quietly in the calm Air conditioned R&D centre what all the trainee could guess was may be a family problem emerged out of generation gap. That's what usually happens at this age.

It was 9:00 AM now. Slowly all the cubicals started to fill up. To his left was a chamber with four cubicals which contained Mr. MohanKumar S. (that's what written over his cubical), Mr. Praveen Tripathi, Mr. Shekhar Thorat and Mr. Uttam Bhandari. A group of four highly talented young people between 22 to 25 ready to hit the world with their research. Just otside this chamber on the right corner was the trainee and on the left Mr. Anil Ambre a 45 year old Marathi and a typical middle aged person. By the other side of this 6 people column was some greenery. A chamber with three fellows. Mr. Rajat Deshpande age about 30 (considered to be the best R&D expert with the company. Miss Deepti Dandekar His fiancee. And lastly was another trainee Miss Khushi Malhotra blunts cut hairs, perfectly sketched and aged nearly the same as the trainee. This was all the team rest all were bosses with separate luxurious chambers of their own on the other side of the road that passed through these columns. Their supremo being Mr. Suhas Kulkarni the deputy Genereal Manager R&D appliance.

Then started the time for work for the trainee too. One interseting feature of these cubicals in such offices is that u can't see but you can always hear what's going on, on the other side.
The phone bell rang . It was on the table of Mr. Ambre the middle aged fellow.

'See Rohit whatever you do don't be subservient to those fellows.They want you to smoke? No no not at any cost. Argue with them, pressurise them and if need be hit them on their croches and run away but don't smoke.No matter what happens after that. I will take another day's leave.I took seven days leave last time when they forced you to do so. This time i will take leave for the fortnight but never let u fall into the trench. Atleast take their cigarette and burn them all.Set fire to it but never ever smoke.

The trainee pushed back the pack of Marlboro Hard deep into his pocket to avoid any terrorist activity. As I said earlier the other column was intersting. The noble fellow sat all the day long trying to put different shades of nail polish on his fiancee's nails and tried to match them up with the color of her suit. And Deepti was a sort of lizzie wizzie creature. She din't liked anything. So what Rajat had to do next was to use the nail polish remover.

'Dun wry today in the evening I will get u A bottle of Sally Hansen. You know it's the best nail polish ever made in US. I asked a freind to buy it for you. We will meet tonight'

'Ok Ok but do you have enough resources for that? You know how much it costs? And how will i look with that nail polsih and this Salwaar suit?........And a folly of questions. But Rajat's enthusiasm was amazing. He had answers to all of them.'

'Come on this side Rajat I dun like to sit on this chair...come interchange with me' Added Deepti as she looked into the mirror which was fit to the wall just opposite to her. Probably she dint liked to see her face too.

The four budding engineers conspiring.

'What's so special about IIT'ians? I am the Gold Medalist of my university. I don't give a damn to them'

'We are working on the same project as his. We have a meeting wid bosses after lunch ....let's see who's who'

'I just peeped into what all he was reading just now. It's all the same set of formulas which we learnt in our degree programme.The design which we have just thought is marvellous I am sure bosses will like it. It's new no one has ever thought of it.'

'Are he keeps peeping all the time towards that blunts cut, waise she is real hot man'

The trainee was till now used to of such stuff. He knew his caliber. What could a young trainee still in the middle of his course do in such situation.But he still fought, for the sake of the resolution he took last night. It was almost 12:00 noon and it's the lunch time. Just before the lunch everybody was called into meeting room except for the two trainees. There in Mr. Kulkarni uttered few words to them for five minutes. Those five minutes had some sort of charisma in them. The place soon turned into a working place.

'Where are the Evaporator Drawings?'

'Who is taking care of compressors? Why are we using 480 Btu with 180Litres? It's waste of money and energy'

'Yes Rohit beta I will call you back after 4 in the evening...... Haan Mr Mohan can i have that file about the consignement from Mohali'

'Are listen I think we will meet tommorrow for my Selly Hansen. Today i will be here for long. And i don't want you to keep waiting'

'No shekhar i think we must go by the conventional model.No need to think anything extra. After all this company is running from 109 glorious years.'

The boss really must be charismatic to bring out such drastic change in a five minutes meeting. The trainee was a bit surprised to see the change but he was anxious about the meeting too. He was sitting thinking right on his project when rajat came to his seat. 'Hey!! May I use your computer?' The trainee responded 'Of course Sir' Though he was hell lot confused as why he is not using his own. Rajat opened the ICICI bank site and checked his balance. 'Shit!! still short by a bit'.Rajat left his computer and went to the youth wing to Mr. Shekhar Thorat. Now the trainee was here at this place for about fourteen days now and he caught the contagious disease which was widespread in the region. The habit of listening to private, spying, contriving and many more.So he put his ears on his cubical walls to hear what's goin on.'Hey Shekhar can you lend me something like 500 bucks. I need it urgently'

'On Pay Day!! Is everything all right Rajat? Why do you need it? Anything urgent?'
'Yes man. The Sally Hansen will be postponed again like past six months. I know that as soon as we get home she will make all calculations and will find it that after deducting all the bills I woe for the months the resources will not be sufficient for it. She will again not allow me to buy it. I know she really loves nail polishes. I just want to give it to her'

'I would have loved to help you man but you know evrything is same for everyone in Mumbai. If I lend you i will be short. I think probably next month I can lend it to you'

Rajat returned to his cubical disappointed. It was sad to see the best R&D expert in such condition for the trainee. He wanted to lend the money himself but probably shekhar was right 'Everything is same for everyone in Mumbai'
And as Rajat left, the trainee could clearly feel something heavy in the atmosphere. He went to the cubical of Mr. Ambre (the middle aged person) to use the intercom so that he may talk to a friend in some other plant. There was a mail which Mr. Ambre was composing but left in the middle since the boss called him.

Dear Son Rohit

Probably your father was a bit wrong this time. Sometimes things can't be handled adamantly. You have to compromise. Last time i have to take 7 days leave to meet your principal. Though it makes a quarter of a month my 10 days salary was deducted on the account of irregularity. Now the shortages incurred in previous month have to be replenished by this month's salary. So i can not take any more leaves. You are a big boy now. I think you are strong enough to manage things on your own. If they ask you to smoke just have one or two puffs to show to them. But don't make it a habbit. I am attaching herewith a picture of the lungs of a cancer patient. Just see it and do not take more than one or two puffs otherwise your lungs will meet the same condition. I have no plans to scare you. But i am just trying to make you learn something which i learnt just now. Learn to make compromises. I am sure you will definately read this mail before leaving for lectures. I may not be your HERO anymore. But i think Heroes no more exist.
Just an ordinary father.

Surely things were going strange and sad for the trainee at the same time for the trainee. He was lost in the world his thoughts when he heard a female voice. 'Excuse Me can I know what Rajat was checking on your computer' The trainee got nervous on such sort of interrogation. He felt like a criminal standing in front of a cop. 'His ICICI bank balance' he responded like a scared one. 'And what was the reaction'

'Shit!! still short by a bit'

And then she too walked away towards shekhar's cubical.They had a chat for about 5 minutes. The trainee tried but couldn't hear. Probably his expertise was not adequate till now.Definitely Deepti was changed after lunch. Her heavy Salwaar suit was changed into a tight suit and Chudidaar payjama. Her hairs open.Even the way she carried herself was changed. Everybody could easily feel the change. Miss Khushi Malhotra no longer seemed to be Hot to any one. There is an intersting aspect of this dress. The chunni used in such dresses are never used to serve the purpose of a chunni. It is pushed bcak to encirlce the neck and generally the suits have a deeper neck. So for the first time people got to SEE Deepti. I wondered how dresses can change a girl. Somebody rightly said earlier that each girl is made HOT. The thing is weather she wants people to know her temperature or not. The trainee was busy appreciating the hidden treasure when he heard Shekhar calling him.He went to his table.

'Can u help me out to start this Webcam.' It had some configuration problems.Very soon a message flashed.

Miss Deepti Dandekar wnats to share her Webcam with you

Allow Deny

Shekhar clicked on allow button. It was focussed strategically. Shekhar gave a shrewd smile to the trainee. This time the trainee was perplexed.He went back to his seat and looked at Deepti. She din't made an eye contact.She was sitting on the chair she din't ever liked to sit on.Why? The trainee definitely wanted to find out. He observed her more closely. She really looked HOT from top to bottom. Except her face which was COLD. Why?? For a bottle of Sally Hansen. All this was not getting easily assimilated to his belly. The time really ran.It was four now. And everybody was getting ready for the much awaited meeting. All of the employees went to the conference room. The Big boss was ready with his presentation.

"Welcome freinds As is the tradition in the company each salary day is special.We have 25 plants and on each pay day we claim to launch something new.This time i am proud to say that it's the appliance division.By the end of December probably somewhere near the new year we are going to launch our new product 'Edge'. All the details are on the table. You all Can have alook at it. This project will have three of our young talented engineers Mohan, Praveen and Uttam. And for the project manager I propose two names Mr. Rajat deshpandey or Mr. Shekhar Thorat.Also the two of our trainees will also get a glimpse of the project to make them aware of our work culture. Now it's all on you people to decide . As usual we will use popular votes coz i think both of them are equally capable.My vote Goes for Shekhar. What say you all?"

'Sir, with your leave can i say something?'

'Yes Shekhar Sure!!'

"Sir I want Rajat only to work as project manager.Coz I think he has got more experience than me.I would still like to learn under him. I would still like to knoe the 109 glorious years of the company"

And with this Shekhar gave the same shrewd smile to Deepti, to me and to unknown Rajat.

'That's very decent of you shekhar. I think the matter is resolved. All details on your Lap. And i think we will start as soon as we meet tomorrow"

"Thank You Ladies and Gentleman"

Passing out of the conference room Rajat hugged shekhar. 'Are no need to get sentimental yaar'The trainee just watched Deepti. 'You were rt Shekhar this increases my emoluments i think next month Sally Hansen will be home'The trainee again watched Deepti.' As i said earlier Rajat in Mumbai everything is same for everybody but we can definitley change Mumbai if we get to know each other and cooperate to fulfill our needs' Shekhar again gave that shrewd smile.Disperse Deepti.The trainee went behind her. Everybody was busy collecting things and were preparing to leave after the long hectic PAY DAY.Shekhar and Rajat were still talking outside the conference hall. The trainee went to Deepti's cubical.

'So Now ur happy with the Sally Hansen' Deepti din't answered. She only said 'Rajat is Happy' And Left...............

The trainee sat there quietly for long as he did in the morning. The only person accompanying him now was Mr. Wisely Boga the sixty year old Mechanical Engineer. The trainee was just reviewing the day and trying to find out what he learnt.It started with Mr. Boga Thinking....... much like repenting his own life. Mr. Ambre compromising with his values.Deepti and Rajat loosing morality and dignity.The four budding enginners loosing ambitions ......one turned grey and then was the trainee sitting next in the line ready to trace the line backwards. Mr. Boga was still sitting there ..........wiping his glasses.The trainee felt like going to his LAP and weep like a small kid.He took his bag and decided to move. As he crossed Mr. Boga he heard him say 'So ur leaving man?'

'Yes Sir'

'So what all u learnt today? Ready to take the world?'

The trainee din't knew why but he sat beside him ......

'I want to tell you something. Probably want to share with you what all I learnt today' And then the trainee told everything he witnessed today to him. He gave a helpless smile to him. Put off his specs wiped it, and wore it again.

'Where do you stay'

'Powai' The trainee told.

'Come on ....... we are going to the same stop, unless u find some other way of your own' He was definitely true. They both were going to the same stop unless the trainee finds some other way of his own.

The trainee and the Old man moved together towards the main gate. Passing the 25 glorious plants of the company. The old man said 'U remember I told you about the two fireworkers. Seeing the black face of his fellow the fireworker with clean face wipes of his face and washes it with water and does several things to clean himself but never sees the mirror to actually know how does he looks like. That's the case with most of us. We search on other's faces how do we look. If we are from IIT we are good. Not knowing that even if you are not from IIT you may be good. If I love someone I must sacrifice, without sharing a word with our partner. Giving advices and claiming that what i experienced today is a reality and our successors must follow, without searching for a path of their own'

'You know when i was young I wanted to be a writer but it was not a noble profession those days.And so to please my father I went for my Polytechnic coz he did the same.Still sitting in my office i repent. But i pray everyday that no one repents like me. Cmon Son it's your age now look into the mirror and find a way of your own'

That day the trainee took the longest path from the place to his destination. Made almost a complete round of the city. And surprisingly he found it interesting although it was stupid to do. The trainee learnt a lot that day and he decided not to take any resolutions and lead his life on his own experience.One day his heart asked him to write what he experienced that day and he did it.He regularly stands in front of mirror now and listens only to what his heart says. He was paid on the PAY DAY..........

Streaming
0||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||100%
www.questofself.blogspot.com

WANTED

This is how i look. I posted this so that i can SEE myself........

IMAGE.......

I was trying hard to find myself, Untill one day I visited this profile of one of my IDEALS in IIT.In his mirror i found my image......here it is have a look......

Hazy Dreamz Productions'

Kabhi Confused Ho Jaana (2007)

Director's Note-
There are three kinds of people in the world. First, whose careers are arranged. I've never understood that, and I am sure they also never know what they're doing. Then there are those who fall for their hearts and marry the careers they love - to success or to failure, but till death. These select few, I believe, are the most fortunate people in the world. And lastly, there are those who become engineers for their parents, or for money, or play it safe and go to IIT. These are the most unfortunate ones in the world... and they don't even know it. Until one day, riding the fast train of life they run into the mirror, and are faced with the toughest fact of all. "I am 23". What do you do when you are set into a career which the society forced into you. What do you do when you realise that - this is not what I wanted to do. And worse when you dont know what you really want to do. And you keep asking yourself - What should I do? What should I do?

???

VANDE MATARAM

Sujalam , Sufalam, Malayj Sheetalam,

Sasyashyamalam, Mataram !

Shubhrajyotsna Pulakitayaminim,

Pullakusumita Drumadal Shobhinim,

Suhasinim, Sumadhur Bhashinim,

Sukhadam, Vardam, Mataram !

(Composed by Bankim Chandra Chtopadhyaya and Chatterjee)

I bow to thee, Mother,
richly-watered, richly-fruited,
cool with the winds of the south,
dark with the crops of the harvests, the Mother!
Her nights rejoicing in the glory of the
moonlight,
her lands clothed beautifully with her trees in flowering bloom,
sweet of laughter, sweet
of speech,
the Mother, giver of boons,
giver of bliss.

(The English translation of the stanza rendered by Sri Aurobindo)

CHAPTER 1 THE EXPECTANTS

After so many months i am writing a post on my blog.This is the second of today.I am thinking very straight forward today.I have reasons for everything.I am failing continously because i am no more the same.I have got a new vision on something i dun want to disclose because...................... i know why. Bingo!!!!!!!! I have the answer to every question today. Ping me today and i will answer to almost any creature i know.

Well then Let me dive into the depths of time and bring out the ages that have rolled.A few small fragments of those wrecks still sublime over my memory board.Well let's confess to them before they take their last breath.I can't count them but there were many.The first one wore a black jacket and a grey skirt with a red school tie.She looked pretty.It was the month of December and due to the Cold weather her lips were trembling.Her teeth were twittering.And she was continously trying to keep back her Blunt Cut hairs away from her face.I drew it.......:d. And then started loving Her image. I was never able to utter a word to her.Probably waiting for her to hear my sight,to feel my voice,to interpret my heartbeats and to love my interpretations.No she never heard.Probably i was expecting too much.Today i was standing in front of her corpse........ At Her last stage she was trying to ask me something.Now, I being a brilliant responder today was eagerly waiting for the question.Then suddenly i heard.She was sayin " I am dying ..............why aren't u crying.I love to see u sad because of me.I know u become sad because u love me. And a million times i made u sad to feel ur love. I thought if words can't connect us why not to get connected through sadness". I was not able to respond .............and in her last breath She was smiling .........her teeth twittering, her lips trembling and for the last time she pushed back her blunts away from her face.probably she was expecting too much from me.................

PPE...........

Toady i found Myself amidst every commoner.....today for the first time i realised that i have lost track of everything ....til now i was in a golden dream that i lack because i don't care.But today i cared and still found myself caught in marshes......Thanks a lot yet ant Failure is on my way.....Nowadays everyday when i get up in the morning i Wait for misfortunes to spell over me........I am no more what i used to be........:((:((:((